


Imposter Syndrome

by hondansadeensommar



Series: Multifandom Hurt/Comfort Oneshots [24]
Category: AB6IX (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Produce X 101 (TV), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Doubt, imposter syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 10:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20006839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondansadeensommar/pseuds/hondansadeensommar
Summary: “I don’t know that I really think I belong here, hyung.  Even after talking with Daehwi-hyung last night, I’m really not sure…”





	Imposter Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this, please note: I began writing this before I saw all of the controversy surrounding the final rankings. This idea came from the way Eunsang was acting on the finale. 
> 
> Although Eunsang was not on my short list, I am happy for him and I look forward to seeing him in X1. I don't begrudge him his spot. In fact, as I go back and look for him in performance videos (which I usually do when I'm interested in one of these project groups) I find myself liking him more and more. 
> 
> But seriously, you could SEE on his face that he thought he didn't have a chance, and the poor baby broke down so hard at the end I nearly started crying for him, too (because I was crying long before he was finally announced thanks to Wooseok and Jinhyuk).

“ _Yah_ … why are you hiding out in the bathroom?”Eunsang stood up quickly, turning his back to Daehwi and quickly wiping the tears away from his eyes before turning to face his senior as the older boy walked towards him.“Better question - why are you crying in the bathroom?”

Eunsang shook his head.“I’m fine, _sunbaenim_ ,” Eunsang replied softly.

“Those don’t look like tears of happiness,” Daehwi commented, obviously concerned.“What’s going on?You won… I would have thought you would be happy right now.”

Eunsang forced a smile, shaking his head.“I am happy, _sunbaenim_.”

“You’re faking it,” Daehwi replied.“Don’t lie to me, Eunsangie.”

Eunsang took a deep breath, closing his eyes.“I know that the other members don’t want me there,” he replied softly.“That last spot should have been Jinhyuk- _hyung_ ’s.I know that all of the _hyungs_ would rather have him than me.”

“Who told you that?” Daehwi asked.

Eunsang shook his head quickly, realizing that Daehwi had concluded that someone had said something cruel to him.“No one… everyone has been so nice.But I know that they’re thinking it.Especially Wooseok- _hyung_ … he must hate me for taking his best friend’s place…”

Daehwi sighed, taking Eunsang’s hands.“Eunsangie… no one hates you for being the X,” the elder replied, squeezing his hands gently.“You earned your spot, the same way everyone else did.Everyone came into tonight knowing that the X was up for grabs, and that it could be anyone on that stage… and the National Producers chose _you_.”

“What if they chose wrong?” Eunsang asked, not able bring himself to actually look at the older man.“What if I can’t do it?If I’m not good enough?”

“Do you trust my judgment, Eunsangie?” Daehwi asked.

Eunsang looked up at the older man, confused.“Of course I do… you’re brilliant,” Eunsang replied.“The song you wrote for us… it’s amazing.”

Daehwi smiled.“I appreciate the compliment, but that isn’t why I asked.I asked because my vote went to you,” the older boy replied.Eunsang was surprised; he hadn’t expected to be lucky enough to get Daehwi’s vote during the show.If Eunsang was being honest, he hadn’t really expected to get _anyone’s_ votes during the live broadcast, given how talented and well-loved some of the other trainees were.“And I didn’t just vote for you because you’re part of my company, either.You’re talented.And you work hard.They’re lucky to have you with them.”

“You really think so?” Eunsang asked softly.

“I _know_ so,” Daehwi replied.“Remember, I’ve done this before… I know what it takes to make it in a group like this.”Eunsang nodded, taking a long, shaky breath.“Wash your face, okay?I’m going to take you to grab something to eat on the way back to your dorm.”

“You don’t need to do that, _sunbaenim_ …” Eunsang began, shaking his head.

“I know… I _want_ to,” Daehwi replied with a smile.“And please, call me _hyung_.You’re going to debut soon.”

Eunsang smiled, nodding.“Thank you, _hyung_.”

“Wash up… it’s late, and you’re going to have a lot to do tomorrow to prepare to move into your new dorm,” Daehwi commented, exiting the bathroom quickly.

Eunsang sighed as he was left alone, looking at his reflection in the mirror.He was thankful that the stylists had used waterproof eye makeup on all of them, knowing that everyone would likely be crying during the show that night.While it would be a pain to get off when he finally got home, it at least wouldn’t leave black smudges all over his face while he tried to make his eyes appear at least somewhat less red and puffy.

By the time Eunsang was done, his face at least looked a little better than he had before Daehwi had convinced him to clean himself up.It was still obvious that he’d been crying, but Eunsang did at least feel better about his appearance.With a hat and a mask, no one would even notice.

Eunsang had barely made it out of the men’s room before a pair of familiar arms were wrapped around him, pulling him into a tight hug.“ _Yah_ … where have you been hiding, Eunsangie?We’ve all been looking for you,” Seungyoun commented, pulling him down the hall towards a small group of other guys.“Seokie wants a photo with all of us in it, before everyone has to go back to their company dorms.”

“Right now?” Eunsang asked.

“Get used to it… Jinhyukkie says he takes about a million selfies,” Seungyoun replied, practically dragging Eunsang down the hall so that they were both in the frame on Wooseok’s cell phone.

“All right… everybody smile!”Eunsang did as he was told, until his face was sore from having to wait through seven or eight different, slightly different shots until the older man was satisfied that everyone looked good in the photo.“That’s a good one…”

“Does that mean you’re finally happy?” Dongpyo asked.“I want to go home and go to bed…”

“Go… get some sleep,” Seungwoo commented, squeezing the boy’s shoulder.“Everybody should go home and get some rest… we definitely all need it after tonight.I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

***

Eunsang was still tired by the time he arrived at the new dorm, dragging his suitcase through the front door and toeing off his shoes in the entryway before carefully depositing them into the shoe cabinet next to a pair Eunsang didn’t recognize.He was just thankful that he wasn’t the last one to arrive, and that he wouldn’t have to wait alone.

“Eunsangie!”Wooseok’s voice called out, as the older man stepped into the hallway.Eunsang forced a smile at the older man, suddenly wishing that he _had_ been the first one to arrive just so that he wouldn’t have to be alone with the one member of the group that he was terrified of disappointing.“The company sent us snacks for today… you should come get something to eat before everyone else gets here and picks all the good ones.”Wooseok popped a grape into his mouth as he finished speaking, before ducking back into what Eunsang assumed was the kitchen.

Despite his conversation with Daehwi immediately after the final episode - a conversation that had continued through dinner, with the older boy advising Eunsang that it was best to deal with the issue head-on before it had a chance to fester - Eunsang still felt nervous about having to actually talk to Wooseok.And knowing that they were alone in the dorm made him even more uncomfortable with the idea of having that conversation.Still he knew that he needed to deal with it.

“ _Hyung_?” Eunsang asked, stepping into the kitchen as Wooseok grabbed another piece of fruit from a tray that had been set out for them.“Can we talk for a minute?”

It was obvious that Wooseok understood, as the older man covered the food and washed his hands while he finished chewing what was in his mouth.“Do you want to go back to one of the bedrooms?I know that Seungyoun- _ah_ is on his way, and I’m sure the others are, too…”Eunsang nodded at the question, letting the man lead the way into a bedroom that contained two twin beds.It was obvious that Wooseok had been there for a little while, and that the man had already explored the dorm.

Wooseok closed the bedroom door, sitting down on one of the beds and motioning for Eunsang to do the same.“Are you okay, Eunsangie?I know that you kind of disappeared last night…”

Eunsang looked down at the floor, taking a deep breath.“I don’t know,” Eunsang replied, shaking his head.“I’ve been really confused…”

“What has you so confused?” Wooseok asked softly.Eunsang had to take a moment to swallow back his tears; the last thing he wanted to do was start crying again in front of the older man.“Hey… hey, don’t cry.What has you so upset?”Eunsang closed his eyes as Wooseok moved to sit next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. 

“ _Mianheyo_ , _hyung_ …” Eunsang replied, shaking his head.“I know that everyone wanted Jinhyuk- _hyung_ here instead of me…”

“ _Yah_ … who told you that?” Wooseok asked.

“No one said it.But why would you want me to be here, when you could have had your best friend from the show instead?” Eunsang asked.“I know that you, Seungwoo- _hyung_ , and Seungyoun- _hyung_ were all really close to him… especially you.”

Wooseok sighed, pulling Eunsang into a hug.“Eunsangie, I went into the competition knowing that there was a strong possibility that one of us might make it without the other,” he replied.“For most of the show, we didn’t think there was a chance… and then suddenly he was so high up the pyramid and it seemed like he might actually make it.I didn’t even dare to imagine both of us making it into the group until that happened.And yeah, I’m disappointed that he isn’t here… but we knew that nothing was guaranteed.That was a chance we took when we signed up for the show.”

Eunsang reached up to wipe away his tears.“I wasn’t holding out that much hope in the first place, and when they didn’t call my name for the first few chairs I assumed that was it… especially once I realized that there were too many people who should have been on that pyramid and not enough chairs left…” Eunsang replied.He closed his eyes, shaking his head.“I don’t know that I really think I belong here, _hyung_.Even after talking with Daehwi- _hyung_ last night, I’m really not sure…”

“You belong, because the National Producers said that you belong,” Wooseok replied.“Everyone is here because we’re supposed to be here.And I _want_ you here, Eunsangie… I like working with you, and I think that you’ll be good for the group.The X seat was rightfully yours.”

Eunsang nodded slowly.“Thank you, _hyung_ ,” he replied.

Wooseok squeezed Eunsang gently, before moving a hand up to smooth Eunsang’s hair.“Come on… the other guys will be here soon, and we have first dibs on the snacks because we were here first,” the older man joked, standing up and holding out a hand to help Eunsang to his feet.Eunsang smiled, reaching up to wipe away what was left of his tears.“We’re teammates now.And not for a couple of weeks for an evaluation, but for real this time.If anyone else has an issue with that, they can take it up with me.”


End file.
